The stereotype of the male stud who is always up for sex is being challenged by new research from the University of Guelph showing that men are almost as likely to be coerced in the bedroom as women.
The
stereotype of the male stud who is always up for sex is being
challenged by new research from the University of Guelph showing that
men are almost as likely to be coerced in the bedroom as women.
A study of 518 university students found that 38.8% of men and 47.9% of women reported being pressured into a range of sexual activity, from kissing and cuddling to intercourse and oral sex.
But the most surprising finding was the link between popularized notions of the male libido and the susceptibility of both genders to pressure, said Cailey Hartwick, the lead author of the study published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality.
The existence of traditional stereotypes may cause men to engage in sexual activity rather than feel guilty about refusing it. Meanwhile, adherence to such stereotypes by women may fuel the belief "that resistance may be somewhat futile against a man's indomitable desire for sex," the study stated.
It may also in part explain coercive behaviour by women toward men.
"I hadn't anticipated that. I thought it would possibly predict men being coerced because of the whole idea that they should want to have sex and feel guilty if they don't," Ms. Hartwick in an interview. "What I thought was interesting was that it put both men and women at risk of sexual coercion."
Of the 251 males and 267 female respondents who completed the anonymous questionnaire, 23.3% of men and 34% of women related being pressed into kissing and fondling, while 18.3% of men and 21.1% of women said they were strong-armed into intercourse and 5.8% of men and 4.2% of women complained of being cajoled into oral sex.
The study defined coercion as everything from mild cajoling to full-blown sexual assault. However, only a tiny fraction of respondents told of being physically forced into sex. The majority reported being seduced by "guilt-tripping" or intoxication.
In his Vancouver sex therapy practice, David McKenzie said he has counselled thousands of couples whose most common complaints are women with low sex drive followed by men with a sexual dysfunction.
"I could probably count on less than two hands that I've ever heard the man say that he felt coerced into having sex at any time," Dr. McKenzie said. "I certainly notice a good proportion of women who want regular sex with their partners and sometimes a man will have difficulty that way in performing. But it's more of a performance issue. It doesn't have to do with 'I just don't feel like sex tonight, dear,' while the women is sitting there ... dying to have sex with him."
Josey Vogels, a sex columnist and author of several books, including Bedside Manners: Sex Etiquette Made Easy, also said she rarely hears men complaining about being pushed into sex.
"But given our culture's belief that men want it anytime, all the time, I suspect it would be much harder for a man to admit he didn't want it," she said. "Men [and women] are conditioned to think that any way a guy can get laid is a score -- the old 'she can seduce me anytime' bravado.
"I do, on the other hand, hear a lot from women who complain their partners don't want sex as much as she does and that she has to initiate all the time, which could be considered a form of coercion, I suppose."
But Peter Davison, executive director of a Nova Scotia-based organization called Men For Change, says he was not surprised in the least. In discussion groups he runs, many involving university-age students, many men express frustration over the pressure to live up to the myth of the male lothario.
"I think there's a lot of misunderstanding about male performance and the fact that some men actually want to form emotional bonds before they have sexual encounters," Mr. Davison said. "There's the stereotype is that we're ready to go at any moment and the truth is we're not; the truth is we desire authentic human connection."
ahanes@nationalpost.com
A study of 518 university students found that 38.8% of men and 47.9% of women reported being pressured into a range of sexual activity, from kissing and cuddling to intercourse and oral sex.
But the most surprising finding was the link between popularized notions of the male libido and the susceptibility of both genders to pressure, said Cailey Hartwick, the lead author of the study published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality.
The existence of traditional stereotypes may cause men to engage in sexual activity rather than feel guilty about refusing it. Meanwhile, adherence to such stereotypes by women may fuel the belief "that resistance may be somewhat futile against a man's indomitable desire for sex," the study stated.
It may also in part explain coercive behaviour by women toward men.
"I hadn't anticipated that. I thought it would possibly predict men being coerced because of the whole idea that they should want to have sex and feel guilty if they don't," Ms. Hartwick in an interview. "What I thought was interesting was that it put both men and women at risk of sexual coercion."
Of the 251 males and 267 female respondents who completed the anonymous questionnaire, 23.3% of men and 34% of women related being pressed into kissing and fondling, while 18.3% of men and 21.1% of women said they were strong-armed into intercourse and 5.8% of men and 4.2% of women complained of being cajoled into oral sex.
The study defined coercion as everything from mild cajoling to full-blown sexual assault. However, only a tiny fraction of respondents told of being physically forced into sex. The majority reported being seduced by "guilt-tripping" or intoxication.
In his Vancouver sex therapy practice, David McKenzie said he has counselled thousands of couples whose most common complaints are women with low sex drive followed by men with a sexual dysfunction.
"I could probably count on less than two hands that I've ever heard the man say that he felt coerced into having sex at any time," Dr. McKenzie said. "I certainly notice a good proportion of women who want regular sex with their partners and sometimes a man will have difficulty that way in performing. But it's more of a performance issue. It doesn't have to do with 'I just don't feel like sex tonight, dear,' while the women is sitting there ... dying to have sex with him."
Josey Vogels, a sex columnist and author of several books, including Bedside Manners: Sex Etiquette Made Easy, also said she rarely hears men complaining about being pushed into sex.
"But given our culture's belief that men want it anytime, all the time, I suspect it would be much harder for a man to admit he didn't want it," she said. "Men [and women] are conditioned to think that any way a guy can get laid is a score -- the old 'she can seduce me anytime' bravado.
"I do, on the other hand, hear a lot from women who complain their partners don't want sex as much as she does and that she has to initiate all the time, which could be considered a form of coercion, I suppose."
But Peter Davison, executive director of a Nova Scotia-based organization called Men For Change, says he was not surprised in the least. In discussion groups he runs, many involving university-age students, many men express frustration over the pressure to live up to the myth of the male lothario.
"I think there's a lot of misunderstanding about male performance and the fact that some men actually want to form emotional bonds before they have sexual encounters," Mr. Davison said. "There's the stereotype is that we're ready to go at any moment and the truth is we're not; the truth is we desire authentic human connection."
ahanes@nationalpost.com
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